A MANIFESTO FOR DISAGREEABLE CONVERSATIONS

  1. I accept that a person with a different belief to me probably holds that belief with as much conviction as I hold mine.

  2. I accept that if there was an easy solution, we would probably already agree.

  3. I accept that I at least COULD be wrong. (What’s the chance I’m right about every single belief I’ve ever held?)

  4. I accept that, even though there ARE true things and false things, there might simply NOT BE an answer which decides who or what is right and wrong.

  5. I accept that, as frustrating as this could feel, my methods and principles for determining proof and validity of beliefs, might differ from someone else’s.

  6. I accept that I’m not betraying my beliefs by engaging with someone about their beliefs.

  7. I accept that as part of engaging with someone about their beliefs, I have to engage with their life more broadly, to understand how their beliefs were formed.

  8. I accept that the person I am engaging with may feel that my different beliefs have extremely profound (perhaps profoundly negative) consequences on their life.

  9. I accept that, for the person I am engaging with, changing their beliefs may involve huge personal sacrifice and real-world loss for them, in the form of community, life purpose, etc

  10. I accept that the emotions which are elicited by holding and engaging about my beliefs (anger, sadness, fear, hurt, hope, desperation, love, confusion) are valid, and may be useful in communicating to others, but they also might NOT be useful in connecting with someone who disagrees with me.

  11. I accept that almost everyone is worse off if we can’t engage with people different to ourselves.

  12. I accept that at the end of a conversation, no one may have changed, and we may return to trying to dismantle the world of the other’s beliefs. That is not the ideal, but we may have been doing that before the conversation anyway, and now at least, we have had the conversation.